P.S. I can't hear my feet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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