I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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