pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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