i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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