I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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