Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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