Nicole vs. Life
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize