So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize