Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize