I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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