did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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