It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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