Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
two words...techno handjob
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize