Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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