WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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