Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hippo gnu deer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize