I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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