Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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