she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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