These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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