just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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