From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize