He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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