Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize