I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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