Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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