Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize