I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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