my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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