i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize