hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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