did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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