you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize