My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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