No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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