Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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