I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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