I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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