tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize