I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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