Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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