He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize