when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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