I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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