There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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