I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize