My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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