I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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