Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize