Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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